I come to you now, trying to find my own balance in the perceived chaos. Laying down what I know and aiming to reaffirm my peace. That fine line between faith and anxiety. I've put a lot of effort into changing my mindset over the past year. I can't say it's always easy. I can tell you if you keep with it, it gets easier.
Once I started even the littlest habits that pointed me towards self-love and care, I could almost literally sense my brain changing. There are all those neuron pathways up there, after all. I like to think I can feel myself changing paths. Mine had been clogged up with overthinking, self-doubt, and even judgment over the years.
Some of these things I was inadvertently taught. Some were conclusions I came up with on my own in the early years of development. Unfortunately, as most of us grew up, we weren't taught how much our mindset matters because our guardians had their own set of problems they were still working on and working through.
So, in early development when you're just a subconscious sponge walking around, you pick up things easier---on money problems, self-esteem issues, and relationship dynamics. No one tries to put these things into a child's mind, but our little minds develop their own truths based on what they see and hear around us. Eventually, as adults, we (hopefully) finally learn that these were not our mindsets and that they no longer serve us to believe these truths.
Money has always been at the top of my mind whether its making it, spending it, receiving or giving it. It has always caused some turmoil beneath the surface. Even after a year+ I'm still working on these things. I still catch my anxiety trying to take hold of my thoughts and pull me into a poor and anxious mindset. The main thing is that I'm still trying, always trying to find balance. I know in my heart that things have and always will work out. A year and a half ago, I was living in my car, unsure of what was going to happen next, and where I might sleep. Right at the beginning of my journey. Sometimes I still go back to those moments and watch myself with the confidence of knowing how things would turn out, and applying that feeling to the here and now.
My Personal Poor/Scarcity Mindset Examples:
Feeling guilty as soon as you buy something or treat yourself.
~I go without a lot of mundane things still that I just couldn't talk myself into buying because it would be easier to deal with the inconvenience and consequences than the guilt and assumed repercussions of spending that money. I just bought sunscreen as an adult for the first time this week. I've just been using sunburn relief aloe gel that was given to me in 2015 after my first kayaking sunburn first year of college--my legs were purple. I wish I still had that insta account, it had the pic. Oh, and the relief gel expired in 2010.
Thinking Small vs. Thinking Big
~I buy groceries daily instead of monthly because it pains me to comprehend getting a buggy full, dropping over $50, and then 'something happening'--(What's the something?!)
Worst Case Scenario/Prepping
~This is the story of my life as an overthinker, I analyze. Luckily, I've always been able to see the bigger picture with some things, however---most of the time that bigger picture was in fact, the worst. My most recent example is car trouble, which is to be expected as a delivery driver with 150k+ miles, driving 50-100 of those a day. But man, when that little yellow engine light comes on, a lot of hard work in living stress-free goes out the window until I can reel it back in.
Changing your mindset:
Putting in the work, growing and taking control of your emotions and reactions does not mean they will never come. It means that you will be stronger and more capable of taking action without a reaction that becomes detrimental. Remember that you've been doing this work for a reason, not just to live happily, but to be that way no matter what curveballs life throws at you.
New Mindsets:
Gratitude for everything: I cannot express how important it is. For the everyday, for the mundane. Get in the habit of saying thank you. I've gotten to the point of saying "thank you for being/having..." resilience, stamina, endurance, balance, discipline, the list could go on depending on where you're pointing this energy.
I wake up thankful for the sunshine, thankful for the rain because I have faith that mother earth knows what it needs and is providing that--so shouldn't I feel the same about myself and my life? I am thankful for my job of delivering happiness to people. I am thankful I have the ability to take time for myself and pursue my dreams and help others in the process.
Right path: Knowing that I'm doing things with the purpose to better myself and help others has been an absolute game-changer. I saw something the other day in an Oprah interview where she asked how you know if you're on the right path?
The lady's answer was--when you don't feel as if you're betraying yourself or putting yourself in the position to do so.
(I'll try to embed the link so you can see/hear it yourself.)
I mention this as a new mindset because to me it's very important with a little context. With my car troubles, my immediate thought is to get a job I don't have to drive for, even one close enough that I could walk and not drive at all. (This is a received mindset that a driving job is difficult because of wear on your car--this will happen driving your car for pleasure and leaving it sitting with no movement for too long can also cause issues).
Now, it's worth the context to know how much I love my job. Having the time and flexibility that I have, working by myself, for myself, making people smile when I bring their food and groceries, I can listen to music and learn on the go, I mean the list goes on and on. Rarely have I had a job I enjoy that makes me feel fulfilled in more ways than one: income.
I quite literally had not realized how much self-betrayal I had been dealing with myself over the years until I heard that lady speak such truth it made me cry. I had been betraying myself, time after time. Jobs, relationships, situations--I was compromising my integrity, my joy, and my light at the hands of other people's mindsets of money and love and friendship, even what change should be. So much, I'm sure this will at least end up a mini-series. Last year when I had gotten so tired of my own crap letting those things happen. I had to start creating my own healthy mindset.
It's very easy to see your mindset change when you're actively doing them and you've also been enjoying the fruits of those labors. Peace, quiet, joy, gratitude. The most important things are to remember and actually utilize those new strengths when times get tough. When you go from constant anxiety to peaceful living you have to remember that:
1. Getting out of an anxiety-ridden environment is important for overall peace, but
2. There's still going to be anxiety inside of you, and it's your choice to give in to it or learn to breathe through it and eventually control it better.
I know it sounds so much easier coming from the other side, but y'all have to know that I've been there. I've spiraled over the smallest things, letting myself be drained by my anxiety through events and changes and mundane tasks. I've been to the mental ward because I kept taking on too much and wasn't learning how to balance and control my own emotions going through waves and changes. Or because I couldn't be grateful and proud enough to see my own accomplishments in front of me ( I was 2 months from graduation with my Bachelor's). Even after that, it took me 3 years to be where I am now and to put the majority of my focus on how I was thinking. I'm still learning, still growing, as well all are, but---
I refused to let my brain take control of me anymore, it is my supercomputer, that I am in charge of.
Who is leading who? Take control.
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