Freedom to me is much like joy. It's finding it and being it. It's releasing the need for control and leaning into serendipity and joy that comes with it. To stop being afraid, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's the awareness to stay in alignment with what brings you insurmountable joy. 2021 was a good year of foundation-building for the changes that came with growth. I know more now to keep my mental health and spiritual well-being safe. I'm able to protect my peace and at the same time, I'm always learning and ever-growing with my collection of tools and creative outlets. I'm no longer beating myself up for not having enough time to do all of the things I "need" to do. I simply started choosing the things that set my soul on fire, and somehow the things I needed got done too.
It is not necessarily about having more time or money to do joyous things, but finding the joy in the time you have and how it's being used. Instead of aiming to gain freedom, you can take a deep breath and breathe freedom. Your chains have already been broken, you just have to remember that you have the power in your perspectives. This is why gratitude is so key. It changes your mindset from "this is happening to me" to "this is happening for me."
I stopped grasping for control over situations I couldn't and started paying attention to what I could control, like how I thought about what was going on. I started smiling because when my car needed maintenance, I was thankful I had a car to maintain. I stopped having an existential crisis over dealing with the maintenance for literally the rest of my life and started being thankful that I had the means to do so. This is how life was, and I'm living it. I stopped being anxious about the things that were happening to me and started being grateful for the resources I had to take care of them, even if they were difficult to take care of. I stopped stressing about not having enough time and started using it to do things I enjoyed. I stopped stressing about being productive, and when I started doing the things I loved, my business and my income followed the growth and self-connection. I started connecting with myself again instead of being in the chains of bondage that my fear and anxiety had held me in. I kept pushing for more income because I was filled with anxiety having always been told, "it's always one thing after another." That's true, and that's life. So I stopped beating myself up for resting or doing things I loved that didn't bring in money. It was hard, but even when I slipped into depression, I had to remind myself, it's okay to be down because none of this is linear, and shit happens, but there's always a come-up around the corner. A smile, a laugh, a precious moment. And every other moment I make the active decision to grow, the light gets brighter, and the load gets lighter. Even when the darkness comes, it's no longer blinding. Every time I practice growth and gratitude, and positive self-talk (on a good day), it takes another shitty monologue out of my brain.
I'm healing so that the wounds no longer control me. So that my mind no longer controls me. My freedom chains broke the day I decided to start healing, but it takes every single day to remember that, and act on it, to feel it, to breathe it. This is my newest lesson. I'm learning every day just how free I can be when I release my need for control and my attachments to the outcomes of my situations. Being okay if it does, and okay if it doesn't work out is a tough lesson to learn, but learning is one of my greatest joys. And this lesson is one that is so incredibly worth the utter peace, joy, and blessings that come with it.
Journal Entry:
Release the feeling of not having enough time. Release the need for control. Release the attachment to outcomes. Release the fear of flow. Affirm freedom Affirm joy. Affirm choice Affirm strength. Affirm flow.
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